Is she testing me or are we just friends?

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My ex broke up with me because I told her I lost some trust when she started hanging out so much with her new friends. I said it out of spite because I was jealous because in all honesty I trust her more so then I've trusted any girl. This hurt her a lot and she broke off our 3 year relationship because without trust you don't have a relationship. I told her later that I was wrong and that I said those words only because I was jealous. I was jealous because she would stay with those friends all night. But she had good reason to. They were her classmates and they're all study late into the night on campus. The jealously is my own fault and I apologized for that but she still didn't take me back because the jealously made us fight often. Before she went off to this new college we never had one fight. The distant was hurting the relationship. We're an hour and half away from each other. Even though we were so far away though I would still visit her 3 or 4 days out of the week. Even though we've broken up we're still very close. We're so comfortible with each other and share everything. She's not like this with anyone except me. She still tells me this too because she says that even with all her new friends she doesn't share her personal life with them. At first the break up was bad for the first few weeks. When it was bad she said that she didn't love me anymore and didn't think there was a future with us anymore. Before our breakup we talked about possibly getting married after we both finished college. Even though we're not together anymore I still visit her at least once a week every thursday at her mom's restaurant. When we're there we sit and talk either in the restaurant or in my car from 2 in the afternoon til closing at 9. At first she was distant but everytime I visit her she seems to soften up. Most of the time she does the talking which is a big role reversal. Before I used to be the one always talking. But it's what we talk about that disturbs me. She tells me about this one friend of her that really likes her and keeps on asking her out. She was telling me that she was thinking about going out with him and in response I make sure to keep my jealously to myself. She used to tell me everyweek that he wants to hangout with her and that she kinda likes him because he's such a nice guy. But everyweek I return and ask her about her date and she tells me that she went out with him but not on a date but instead just hung out with him with all her other friends. She used to refer to this guy as "the guy that likes me". But lately she since we been talking so much lately she only refers to him as "that guy". She tells me stuff about this guy and it doesn't make sense because one comment goes to putting him down saying he's slow and then she says "but he's too nice". Now it's been almost 2 months and before she used to never call me or nudge me on MSN. But lately when she's home she does. Before we broke up she didn't pay her cell bill and her phone was shut off so I really couldn't talk to her unless I called her restaurant. She told me she wasn't gonna get her cell phone back and she was gonna cancel it. But last week she told me she had her phone turned on, she calls me but she hasn't given me her number. It's just odd though because she told me she had her cell back. She does small stuff like this all the time to me. Do you think she's testing me? When I'm with her sitting in my car for hours just talking I innocently flirt with her. She knows that I still want her back because she was joking about how I drive so far just to eat at her mom's, when in fact we both know I'm trying to win her back. Am I reaching for something that's not there... or do you think there's more then meets the eye? Advice
The way you've described it, she still has the door open for you.

My advice is to let things ride the way they are for a month or so more and then hope she will give you a sign. If she is around the age of 21, she may be feeling the need for independence and space. My experience shows this happens to women at about age 21.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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