SO CONFUSED !!
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I'm sorry I tried to figure it out by myself and I just couldn't ! My ex and I dated for 2 years. The first year was just SO wonderful.The problem was that I had a very abusive mother who beat me often. I was suffering from anorexia. About a year into the relationship I was forced to go to the hospital to get help. Things got worse at home and I moved in with my ex. we lived together for 2 months. However, time for me to go back home came. He didn't want me to go back home, but I still loved my mother so much. She was family and she said that she would change.
Things were the same when I got home. When I told my ex about it, he started giving me a "I-told-you-so" talk. I was so upset. He knew how much I loved my family. I told him that I wasnt going to see him anymore because he didnt seem to care about what was really important to me. But as soon as I said that I realized I was letting my emotions get the best of me and took it back and told him I was sorry. But he broke up with me 2 days later saying that he never loved me, that he realized that he was in love with someone else the whole time and he only thought he loved me because I was sick. He left.
2 months passed and he called me to ask me back out. when I asked him about the other girl he said he still loved her as much as he loved me and that I was going to have to deal with him loving 2 girls. I took him back. A day later, he all of a sudden told me that he realized that he didnt love her after all. It confused me so much. However, after we got back together, he kept writing blogs about her. Instead of saying he realized that he didnt love her like he told me, he would write that he let her go because he loved her so much. He would write things like how he was always going to remember her and think about her and how special she was to him. He knew I knew about the blogs too. And yet in front of me he would tell me I was the only girl he thought about. His behaviors made me so paranoid. He confused me, angered me, and saddened me. I tried so hard to love him back, but I just couldnt trust him.
whenever i confronted about his confusing behaviors he started yelling me for leaving him for mom in the first place. he told me that what he did never would have happened if I never left him in the first place. he said it was all my fault so I should deal with it. I kept trying to explain to him that I didnt leave him because I loved my mom more than him but he said he will never understand me. Things started getting really bad. We started hurting each other so much. Whenever I broke up with him to get some space for myself he started calling me telling me that he was going to kill himself because he was nothing without me. I kept coming back to take care of him but I also kept leaving because I was stressed out, too. We ended up beaking up for good after 2 years into the realtionship.
It has been about 3 months and he and I talked about 4-5 times on the phone. He confused me once again by calling me first to tell me he misses me then moving on to screaming and swearing at me for ruining his life.He and I talked again yesterday. He was much nicer yesterday and he said he would call me a month from now. If that goes well, he said he would call in a week, then move on to in a couple days. He and I both agreed that we were always going to have feelings for each other that we would never have toward other people. I want to be his friend,but he said that he didnt want to be my friend because he and I could never be "just friends." He said he can never go through the relationship again with me. Yet he said he wanted me in his life. He said that he couldnt trust me at all for everyhting I've done to him. I dont understand why everything is my fault to him. He told me that the reason why the relationship couldnt work out was because of my confusing behaviors.
I want to be his friend and be able to fix the relationship and possibly get back together again. But I will be going away for college in a couple months and he will stay here to attend a community college(which he said was my fault). Will he and I be able to work this out? I know he still loves me but I also know that he was very hurt by the relationship, too. I still love him but it is so hard to not get upset at him when he tells me that he was right for hurting me. Whenever I tell him something he did hurt me he simply respons by saying I must have done something to make him act that way so I must have deserved it.
I want him back in my life but this is getting too complicated. Please help me. He is 18 and I'm 19. I often feel that he is being very immature especially when he blams everything on me and refuses to see things from my point of view. Is there a chance that things will change? I am just SO confused...
Your boyfriend is doing the same thing your mother does to you.
He is blaming you for everything and making you feel small. Don't let yourself let somebody else like your mother into your life. You deserve better than that.
Stay away from him and tell him that you will not stand for the abusive treatment he is giving you.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com