He Left Me for Love at First Sight
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
When do you throw in the towel? I was in a relationship for about 6 months and we did so many fun things together. But out of the blue he breaks off the relationship because he belives in love at first sight.
I did not see it coming. I just don't know if I should throw in the towel or try to get back together. My heart hurts. The whole break-up does not make any sense. We went on trips together, laughed and just hung-out. We did our own things but spent quality time together.
I just need some advice on what to do next...I think this was the healthiest relationship I've ever been in..
If he left you for love at first sight, in a way it may be good you were only with him for 6 months and not longer!! Love has nothing to do with first sight. All you see at first sight is what the parents of the person were like (who gave them those genes to look that way) and what their current fashion style is. But as anyone over age 8 knows, people are CONSTANTLY changing. Their looks change, their hair styles change, their clothing choices change, their bodies change. To say to someone "You! I love you because of how you look right now!" is ignoring how INCREDIBLY complex people are, and how they are constantly changing. The only way to really love someone is to spend months with them and get to know what they are *inside* - because it's those insides and life plans and morals that don't change. That is a foundation of a person, and that is what you love.
So anyway, if he was able to say after 6 months with you "Sorry! I'm leaving!" without any sort of rational discussion of what was wrong with the relationship and working on it before giving up on it, then you are much, much better without him. If he was in love with you, he wouldn't have run off with someone else. If he was having issue with you, he should have addressed those like a rational adult and talked to you about them, instead of hiding and deceiving until someone else better came along. He must have had some serious issues with what he was getting out of the relationship, but never bothered to discuss them at all. And when he saw someone else that seemed like he could shoehorn into his needs, he put on his "She looks perfect!" glasses and decided it would work.
Unfortunately for him, most "love at first sight" turns into a relationship based on false assumptions that crumbles within a few months. Maybe he'll learn his lesson. Maybe not. But for you, find someone who respects what you are and can talk about issues. That's what makes a long lasting relationship.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com