Do i have to give her time or it is over?

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
I need help, a good advice, and my english is bad, well... there is this girl, CL, she is a sweet girl, also she hide a lot of what she thinks and what she does, her feelings, that stuff, she can be very cold, it`s just hard to know what she is thinking, we study the same career, in the same college, so i know her for over two years, yeah, for me she is a sweetgirl but also she is a woman, and many guys like her, physically, becouse it isnt a lie that she is an incredible woman, i know many guys have been trying to "get" her, she just push people away, but i know i am not just interested in her just becouse of the way she looks, i want to be with her becouse of the warmth that i can find, just by making her happy, i felt in love with her and now, no matter how good it can be for me, i can`t forget her, and i wont till i know what is going on, god, i dont know, let me say the hole story. CL in the last year i guess she started to try to get closer to me, she started to ask me if i had a girlfriend, she stared at me in that strange way, she told me that join her to this place or... if there was a movie in the college ( in fact is call u.i.s. a very nice place ) she stay there with me, well, but the thruth is that in that time i was thinking about other girl, whose story is kinda long too, but i wont put it here, so i didnt have eyes for CL, i remember that i just treat her as my friend, and make jokes and stuff but not making a bigger step, i thought she was pretty and all, and a sweet girl, but i didnt want to start wondering about she, me, togheter, and i dont play with people, well then i was forced to forget the other girl, and maybe it was becouse i feel lonely that i get interested in her, so i didnt forced it... i just went normally and start to talk with her, in those days she was a blit more silent that what she is normally, maybe just with me, maybe becouse she felt that i didnt like her, but then i

was trying to show her, somehow, a blit of my love, and well i can tell it hit her somewhere becouse then her female friends who are also my

friends ( but not that close... ) started to say things with double meaning, and giggles and stuff, kinda like helping out with this, it was ok, when i had time i

usally visited her in... her classroom, spend some time there give her candies, chocolate, but all that stuff wasnt all the time, i am not

someone who go and show what he feels, i kinda slow, and also i know i do something but then i just try to give another impression, that isnt

serious love, well... i guess she needed a more direct message, i never did a clear move, she got tired of it, becouse in fact there were

moments in which she was oppenend for me, for me to be with her, but i didnt do anything, i guess, and also, i wrote a letter and i give it to her, and there i told her

that she was really beutifull and that i wanted to be with her, but that i thought that i just wasnt good enough for her, i just felt that way,

i couldnt think that someone like her could love me, yeah... kinda a lack of confidence, so then she talked to me, telling me that when i had a

girlfriend... that girl will be so damm happy becouse i will treat her very nice, but that she wasnt that girl... she also told me... in

sintesis... about that i was insecure about what i wanted, lack of confidence, whatever, now i dont care, and that people need to know them

better and deeper before starting anything, so, ok, i say ok she is right, maybe i am not the one for her, so i tried to forget what i feel

about her, i wasnt healthy to keep on dreaming on something like that, but then ( a few few days later ) i was in the uis library i meet a lot

of my friends there studing, and she was there, i guess she tried to get my attention, some of her friend giggle ( god knows why ) she just ask

me about stuff that wasnt important ( did you get the erlenmeyer? how was it? ) things that didnt concern her, and that normally wont concern

anybody, i guess she wanted to talk with me ( she says that i am a very nice guy and that she doesnt want to lose me as a friend ) well i left the library and i went down to the "forest" of the uis, there i spent some time with my friends and suddenly i saw her

with some people a blit far away, so i went there, and, we, the guys played a blit of footbag near to the girls, but i catch her looking at me,

and well i like her so i didnt turn my eyes away, we stayed like that for a while, i wanted to smile at her, to told her she was the most cute girl

in the world but i didnt want to get hurt againg, i mean why should i smile to her? she doesnt want it... i was wondering, what the hell she is thinking? what does she feel? i guess that in that

moment she wanted that i give her an smile or something, it isnt that easy, at least for me, after someone told you that just dont dream about

a "we". i say to myself, well maybe she realized that i like her and that something could grow from it, and that maybe

we could be happy, everybody is seeking love, so, days go by, i went againg, and i give her, once in a while, messages, trying to show her that i still

like her, cds with music, those earrings, just trying to get closer to her, to know us better, so, someday she was a nice girl and then she was

as cold as ice, hurts... well just a few weeks ago ( i just type this becouse it might give you a better idea of what is happending ) she was

with a female friend of her that i dont know, she told me that girl is her best friend and that knows a lot about her, so, CL had one of my

notebooks so i went out of the uis to get it, there she was with her friend, and her friend was staring at me in a weird way, they were kinda

in a hurry becouse both of them live in a town a blit far away for this city, and it was a problem there, so the girls were going to leave, but

CL start to talk with me, a lot of simple things, and her friend was trying to say to her with her eyes and with her hole body that they had

to leave now, i dont know if that means something, i guess is obvious that i care about the simple details, maybe i dont want to get an

straight answer, so CL in that moment was just talking with me no matter if they had to leave right away, i guess ( and i really want to

belive it ) that her friend was saying to her " i know you want to talk with this guy, but it isnt the right time, realize " ... then she told

me that if we will see each other on monday ( our schedules doesnt allow us to get a free time for us to see each other on mondays, she has

class for 6 am to 8 am, and i have class for 11 am to 1 pm ) and i say ok, well... but then i was so hurt becouse of her changing moods, so i

wrote her another letter, telling her that a lot of nice stuff was in me, but that she kill of those feelings with her attitude, and that i

need a clear answer ( i am direct in the letters ) i get it, she told me that why i was saying that, becouse i should have understand that she

didnt wanted anything with me since the day we talked after i give her the first letter, that she was cold with me was becouse she want to keep

me away, for me to realize that... well i just have realize that she needs time, or maybe i just cant accept she will never love me, like i

want it to be, she also told me againg that people need to know them better before start anything, and also that she had never had a "close

boyfriend", you know, a close boyfriend... i dont know why she said that, i hope that she is just asking me for time, and not to leave her alone forever, so now i am just leaving her alone, i still like her, but i try to dont get too close to her, no

need to, i just feel sometimes she feel so inconfortable but then suddenly you sense she really likes to talk with you, or she says, i going to

be THERE, does she means "wait for me"? i am leaving her alone, dont know what else to do, keep on saying to her that lisent that Led Zeppelin

cd so she can enjoy some good songs, Do you think that i just need time? that she just need time? is there any hope? or i am just a fool and i

tend to see everything the way i want it to be, trying to see love where isnt any? Advice
She does not love you now and maybe she never will.

But since you are good friends, you can continue to be close to her and one day she might feel differently about you.

Now that she knows you care about her, she will be more suspicious of your motivations so you cannot be so forward with her as you were before. But, you can still talk pleasantly and give her small presents.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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