A 16-21 Relationship

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I've been seeing this guy for a few months now and I'm 16 and hes 21, we both like each other a lot and have been having safe sex regularily. I want more out of our "relations" i mean sex is fine but i want more then that however I don't think he really wants to go out because of our age difference.

How do I bring up how I feel about this without coming on too strongly..i dont want to scare him away, or should i just stop with what we're doing? help, i have no clue what to do!

RomanceClass.com Advice
I'll try to put this gently, but you guys are HAVING SEX. You are already having the most serious kind of relationship there is. If this guy is unwilling to publicly admit that he is in a RELATIONSHIP with you then he is using you. Usually a guy is supposed to be proud of his girl and let everyone know about it before he then becomes fully intimate with her. For him to get into your pants - many guys have this ideal of the "young fresh 16 yr old girl" - but not want to tell anyone about it is wrong, wrong, wrong.

You are a girl at one of the most appealing sexual points of life. I'm sure there can be all sorts of arguments about older women being attractive - heck I'm not 16 and I consider myself attractive - but if you look at say magazines and porn sites and so on about what "sexual women you want to grab" are, it's that 16-18 range. So here you are, in that range, and he as a 21 year old guy "has the fresh young girl" but he doesn't want to actually HAVE a relationship with you and have to tell people and take you out and such. He just wants that sex.

I don't mean to preach here, but really, what you do as a young adult has LONG LONG impacts on how you feel about yourself for years and years to come. It can really affect your whole self image. You are a person with many talents and many good qualities. But to have all of that damaged because this guy decided to use you because of your body would be an incredible shame. You are barely beginning your life as a woman, and you deserve to have that life be one of power and strength and love and passion and everything else you want in life. It's easy to say "I'm just a kid and I want to have fun" - but don't let that "fun" become a feeling about yourself that causes you harm!!

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that you are WORTH BEING CARED FOR. That does NOT mean sex. It means someone who will be PROUD, VERY PROUD to take you out, to introduce you to friends and family, to have you by his side. So many guys would just smile from ear to ear to have you with them, to say to people, "THIS is MY girlfriend." For this 21 yr old to refuse to do any of that is just wrong. And if he refuses to tell others about you, ask him why. If he is embarassed or worried about what they think, he's just not the right guy for you.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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