Is this a serious relationship?

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Before you read the posting. I just want to say that now the man is expecting a child with his wife. I merely asked him 4 months ago that i have organized baby showers before, and he went ahead and told his sister who i barely know that i would help her if she can organize the shower for his wife. well she agreed and so he from his end asked if i can help her out. my theory is this. this is for her, who lives 7 hours away. he still wants me to be part of his lfie, planning his child's shower. and on the shower day, he told his wife so much about how i helped his sis out and i got lots of thank yous from her. now read on the rest please.
My hub and I have been married from 3 years. He has a very close friend named "Tom" who has also been married from 3 years. My hub and Tom are such good friends, that they consider each other extended family. The two men work together from 5 years at the same company, Tom was our neighbor for a year before he moved to SC last summer.
Tomís wife and I are also very close and in touch on a regular basis.
Tom and I have always treated one another when we all met for parties or gatherings like formal people. We were just saying hi, bye, or making it really sound like we were both acquaintances merely. Anyhow but last year of 2004 in Jan Tom and started to talk a lot and get more closer/flirtier with each other. I always did have feelings for him ever since a year before, but only now in Jan was when I thought he felt something for me as well. At his party in end of Jan, he and I spent the evening together dancing and staring at each other, smiling, talking, hugging a lot, I massaged his shoulder and neck, he really enjoyed that. We danced some more and talked. Then there were two more occasions when we met parties and him and I connected and flirted.
But then in March I invited him to my place to show him something, asking him to come that evening or the next evening. He said he would come that evening itself. He came
And we started talking a little. Then we hugged for 5 minutes very closely and we were breathing on each other softly. Then we came into my office room where we both sat on a futon. We both talked, laughed. Then after I got him close enough, I asked him to Kiss me. He kissed me. We kissed for 5 minutes in the most passionate, loveable, and more emotional kiss ever. It was all deep, lip to lip, no tongue, just uis two flowing our lips together and our faces from our hair to our chins literally engrossing each other so close. It was wonderful. After that we hjugged as if we had just made love, incredible both of us were so breathless and happy and lightheaded.
Thenn after that in our friendly group parties, him and I decided that the kiss we had was it. We would do nothing more and not have sex. Well even thought we say no to this, at every gathering, him and I stare into each other eyes, infact when I stare at him, it gets him to hug me or give me a light squeeze on my waste. He stares into me eyes. Atleast 2 times at each of our gatherings him and I have our moments where we gaze into each others eyes while we are talking, and we have this soft secret smile going on while we stare. and then we say something from our conscience that just flows out smoothly while we gaze. Thatís also very nice. At every encounter, I grind dance with him, he loves it and gets turned on, he has told me I give him the biggest hardon. And anyway so we hug all the time, we flirt, we stare, and one night
Him, my hub, me and another friend went to the caberet. This was in Jan of 2005, a year later. And at the caberet, some dancer guy was gay. Well he started asking out friend "Russ" if he was straighr or gay and we all laughed, then he asked russ if him and I were together cause we were standing next to each other, with tom to my right. Then the dancer stared at me for a minute. He asked me who I was with, and I pointed to my hub.
The dancer asked me if I gave oral to my hub, I said yes, and he asked me hub how it was, he said it is very fine, my hub was all excited to answer and me and tom were all laughing. Then he asked me if I give me hub 69 technique. Then I was a bit embarrassed, quiet for a minute thinking here is tom standing next to me and my hub and I am getting asked if I do 69 with my hub. It took my a moment, then I softly said ďyeaĒ
Then tom repeated after me softly yea he said
We both laughed,. I kept laughing bending down, so when I got up, Tom saw me laugh still and he laughed with me. Then the gay dancer asked my hub if he picked me up like a new Brunswick bowl. My hub had no idea what that was, so we still all laughed.
Anyway then after this caberet, we all went to a bar. At the bar my hub and russs excused themselves to the restroom. It was only tom and I with a drink in our hands.
I was really tensed and did not feel like standing alone with Tom. So I stood where I was like 4 feet away from Tom and he watched me as I looked straight ahead at the bar. Then I went around a circle and went in front of Tom. He looked right into my eyes. We both stared. Then he aksed me if the guy asked me lots of questions tonight, I said yea. The again tom asked me if he really asked me a lot hah. I didnít answer
But I just put one arm around him and kept looking at him. Finally my hub and russ were out then we went back to Toms place. When we were at his place,. I got ready to bed so I had changed in my pajamas. And then tom came up. He saw me look at him as he came up and so he looked at me, then he looked down at the floor and softly smiled
Then instead of walking in opposite to his room, he walked into the room next to where I was staying. Then I went and saw Tom. Tom asked me if I was embarrassed by the questions tonight. I said nothing. Then tom again asked me that he asked me lot of personal questions right? I said tom hug me
He put his one arm around me. I could smell his tension. Again he asked me if I was asked a lot by the dancer. Then I just gave him the look. I told him to close the door for a minute. He said no and then told me that he canít do this (softly) he looked at me, then he looked down and he again said he canít do this anymore
Okay so then I went o my room and waited for my hub. We slept
Next morning as I was getting ready to leave Tomís place. Tom and I hugged to say bye
We both said bye and then we hugged now I hugged him and let go normally like after 5 secs. He kept hugging me with both hands still on my shoulder blade, both his hands flat on me. Then I waited, he kept hugging me. Then I looked at my hub who was looking at me, and I shrugged whispering to Tom, what are you doing, and what is this?
Anyway tom kept hugging me and he knew I was shrugging at my hub too. He also knew I was hurt from the night before and I felt bad I asked him to close the door like that. Anyway so now he is all hugging me while I had let go. Then I pushed him so he would stop, but he kept hugging me. In that push I could tell I was hurt and he knew it too. Even with his wife looking he hugged me. Then I gave up said okay I need to hug him or else it will look weird. I hugged him
We both hugged in the same flat hand around shoulder blades for another few minutes. We wre breathless, soft, enjoying the moments, and in peace during our hug. We both lvoedit and hoped for more hugging. It was amazing. This guy has never kept hugging me for solong, and I have never had to push him and have him still hug me. Well I was feeling better thinking, now he has the ball in his court, he made a move on me and he will remember it.

So after that I just saw him as he visited the city for work. I saw him over dinner with my hub and other common work friends. As soon as he saw me, he looked at me, I noticed all 7 of the guys and said hello quickly to all, not just focusing on one person. But here tom was looking at me waiting for me to look at him and when I caught him, he said a bright and happy hello. I said hello.
Then through out dinner tom and I did not converse as we had other friends there to talk to. But I did see him look at me observe what I said. If I laughed, he looked ujp and listend, or observed me. And then after dinner when it was time for us to say bye, he looked in my eyes and was lost for a minute. We both were just into our eyes. And then I wanted to say congrats daddy to be, but, I said congrats big daddy. And then he saidĒ thatís right, yeaĒ, and we softly smiled and then I hugged him and he hugged me
Our hug was cuddly and sweet. Besides our encounters, the last time he stayed over my hub and our place in Dec of 2004 for a friendís wedding. I remember I had to go out with my hub the morning of the wedding fpr my hair do. I remember Tom coming to the door downstairs in the pantry room and seeing me and my off saying as he looked at me, that we have a good hair do. Okay fine , wwhen we came back, he left his wife and the game of pool and he greeted us at the door. No one does that as a gues. They just mind there business and the host goes tot hem. They donít leave what they are doing and come to the door. Anyhow tom came right away and looked at me and my hair
Then he was so out of staring that he looked at myt hair and touched the curl, I then said I feel like curly sue and I walked to where his wife was sitting. Anyway at his place a year later and everytime actually, he always looks at me. If I am in a room with peopke, he has to be where I am looking/observing what I say to others. He doesnít do that a lot with his wife. Advice
This is a situation of heavy duty flirting which is a semi-serious relationship.

My advice is to stop playing with fire. Tom has more resistance than you do and if he didn't you would have gone a lot farther.

You don't even seem to have a goal except to do major flirting.

As long as your partners don't care it isn't doing much harm, but the risk is certainly there of ruining two marriages.

Be careful. George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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