frequent argument are fatal..

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
first of all, I want to thank you for giving me the right advice last time because she is my girlfriend now.. (I hope you still remember... it was about 7 months ago since my last question..)

We are in a relationship for about 5 months but we are having a problem.. She is keeping a lot of grudges and uses it to make jokes, which really hurts me a lot.. (I don't know if those were only jokes or they are really intended to make me feel bad). We almost broke up earlier this morning because we had a fight.. The truth is were fighting a lot these past weeks.. and she is the always the one who instigates the arguments.. one more thing, I myself can accept the aftermaths of every fight, but I doubt she can.. because she keeps grudges.. I am really afraid to lose her.. I love her so much and she is very important to me..

She also has frequent mood swings and that makes her lose her temper everytime. She always hurt me emotionally but I just keep it to myself, telling and convincing my thoughts that I just need to understand her. She has problems in her family and in our school, that is why I thought that they are the reasons why she is so irritated and stressed-out. I really tried to give her all the love I can but it seems that my efforts are useless. In fact, she even told me that she had several suicide attempts before we met. (I am worried that she might do it after a terrible fight) I really felt afraid when she was telling it to me... I really don't want to lose her.. and I would do anything for her even if it would require me to sacrifice everything..

I don't care if I am hurting right now because I love her. I hope you can give us some advice. Please, I really need it ASAP.. thanks a lot.. I really owe you. Advice
I hope she is seeing a counselor because she needs one badly.

A word about fighting... it takes two to tango. She is initiating the fights, but you seem to be going along with them. Why not put it on yourself to stop the fighting. Whenever a fight is brewing give her the peace sign and say I love you to much to fight over this. This may take several tries because she seems to use fighting as an outlet for her anxieties.

Another thing to try is whenever she says something that hurs you say "OUCH"
so she knows she is hurting you.

I am sorry you are in this bad situation.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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