She Has a Girlfriend

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
The girl I love has a boyfriend and she says she loves him so much (it happened that she started talk about him when we were eating together at the cafeteria). So... I suppose I'll never be loved by this girl. I don't know why I even thought she would love me.... I'm not handsome, I have no money, I'm too shy... and even though she says she doesn't look 4 money or good-looking in a man, she says has a boyfriend who has these things and also has a nice personality. So... I'm out. This wound will NEVER heal. Advice
I think you're being a bit extreme here!! First off, most girls date MANY, MANY guys as they figure out which ones they like and which ones they don't like. That is what life is about - figuring out which traits you appreciate and which you don't appreciate. It is all trial and error. When you go out clothes shopping you don't end up with just one shirt your entire life! You have many different shirts, and as you grow and change you find new shirts meet your needs. And eventually you settle on the type of shirt you REALLY enjoy and that's what you tend to wear for the rest of your life.

Love has nothing to do with money or looks. It sounds like you've been watching too much MTV. Love has to do with being BEST FRIENDS - being able to talk to and relate to and trust someone. Looks fade quickly!! Your tummy gets big and your breasts sag. Money comes and goes! You can easily lose all your money, or make more money. But if you guys are GREAT FRIENDS, that is what lasts years and years and makes you happy even when you're old and grey.

So be friends with this girl. If you're saying the only way you can like her is to possess her, you need to rethink your world view. The most important thing should be to care about someone and for that person to be happy. If that is the case, then maybe when she breaks up with her boyfriend, you will be there waiting and you two will hook up. But if all you see her as is a possession, it probably won't ever work out between you two. You need to see her as a FRIEND and a PERSON.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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