Whats wrong with calls more than 15 minutes? and more.
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
Uhh, I suppose you can easily find all my questions I asked here....
Last time I said that I call her no more than 15 minutes every week (the 5 minute was a typo. .) ). Okay, yes, so all and good. Then these phone calls get longer (20-30 minutes). Valentine's Day came. I sent her an E-card. I chose one without hearts and things, just some card that goes "Happy valentine's" as if it's Easter or something. She said "Thanks for the card"... And then for the next 2 days, everytime she spots me, its a big smile+wave+HI+my name. And I do the same back to her.
Then the phone calls became longer (still once a week), going up to one hour long. I want to ask, is that alright? It's not like I am a chatterbox or anything, but she just keeps the conversation going and going, even when I feel like I need a rest, so in the end, I am like "Okay. I agree. I have experienced that too. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. " Because she is talking about stuff that goes on in her family, and I don't know what comment to make is wise. But also told me to keep those things secrets. And then finally I could say "I am tired... We've been talking for like an hour, Cya Tomorrow!" Is this how I end a call?
But when I go to school now, she just says hi, thats all. And when she is with more than one of her friends, she doesn't even do that. (I asked her about it and she said something irrelevant: "Sorry, sometimes when I am walking I am thinking and I don't notice anyone. Next time you see me, say Hi to me, ok?"
So, what should I do?
She also lent me a book in simplified Chinese, when I usually read Traditional. (imagine English in Greek Alphabet) She said to me I should read it to practice my chinese, which is only at year 4 level. I have difficulty in reading it. (a page takes 5 minutes) Should I try to read it all as quickly as possible, or read a little once in a while, or give up?
Just so you know, I also made friends with all her friends (read: acquaintances. I have very few close friends, and Lots and Lots of 'acquaintances'. Eg, we never find each other on the phone, or anywhere to meet, but when we do, we have conversations, telling each other about everything including which girl/boy they like, social/homework problems, etc etc etc) I have access to. And also person she doesn't like either. That person dislikes her too... (Hehehe, I know everything!). Is that like, a bad thing to do? Whenever he says he's going to do something (as in... play around, could probably call it harassment, depends on what she feels about it.) to her, I just go away and pretend I don't know, though sometimes, I am able to get him to go somewhere with me instead. I talked to him about it, and he says "What are you going to do about it?". He is bigger than me, has friends who are in a 'gang', so, I am afraid it'd go even worse if I do anything... But currently, he too, is an 'acquaintance' because he needs to copy my homework.
Should I talk to her about this or am I seeing an illusion? I don't know how she feels about this guy. But I am also afraid that she'd be angry at me bringing it up... (like she did, when I accidentally mentioned a family problem she had.) And if I should, how should I approach it?
The advice about 15 min is just a guideline... if she wants to talk long then that's good. I think the way you handle the goodbye is a good one.
Saying "hi" at school: take her at her word and do just what she said. You can initiate the hello.
Give her back the Chinese book and tell her you aren't ready for the simplified characters yet. She will understand.
Don't get mixed up in the doings of the big guy in the gang. Nothing good will come of that. Don't talk to her about it because it will probably stir up trouble.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com