Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Well I wrote a while back because my gf of a year and a half had cheated on me. She basically got so drunk and a guy tried kissing her which she was out of it so it happened. Now this has caused quite the problem. I forgave her for the action because eventhough I thought it was wrong, I really care about her and I could tell this situation upset her a lot. Now, she asked me if she could go out with her friends once a week and then we hang out once a week. We do not live together and work a lot so the only time we have to hang out is on the weekends. I do not have a problem with this but a couple times my friends and I have met them out toward the end of the night and she has been completely wasted. It just causes doubt and worry to creep into my head everytime she goes out with her friends. I know this is something I have to get over, but when I talk to her about she gets very defensive and takes it as an attack on her. Recently, we got into a big argument and she basically broke up with me. She said she does not want to have a problem everytime she wants to go out. I do not know how to take this. We have still been talking and she says that we will most likely get back together. I know I hurt her when we were arguing because I lost my cool and told her how selfish I thought she was, and that she needs to get a grip on her drinking, I was not rude to her though. She just gets very defensive, basically I feel like she is just punishing me until she gets over the hurt. The other problem is that I worry now that she is going to hook up with someone when she is out or something. I have talked to her about this and she says that she would not do that, but anything could happen. I told her if that did happen I would not want to get back together and then she says she would not tell me about it. Anyway, I would like to get back together with her, I just worry about things and am confused by the whole thing. Sorry for the long story there is just a lot. Thank You so much for any advice you can give me.
You are just going to have to trust her.
She wants the excitement of going out alone with her friends. Most of us have similar feelings. Too bad she has to get so wasted when she is out but that's what you have.
Trying to mix this in with your relationship is the confusing part. Of course you worry about it, who wouldn't? Try not to let it affect you too much.
I've noticed that women around 21 seem to find this need to discover themselves and it often causes trouble with the boyfriends.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com