I wouldn't mind hooking up, but...
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
I liked this girl at my church for about 5-6 years and I've personally known her for just over a year now. A while ago (like I think last April or something), I asked her if she would ever contemplate about us "hooking up", but she said that she wasn't feeling that vibe at that time. Now, around July, I tried to give a birthday present, but she said she couldn't accept it, and me not wanting to pull an "FBI movement", I didn't bother ask why. Now, with that, and a couple of other ish that happened in my life, I left my church for a while, and in due process, broke contact with her cause, well, I guess I was still "semi-bitter" about the present incident (yeah, I know, it was an a**hole move on my part at the moment, but I realized my worng now). Now, fast-fowarding, I started going back to my church in January, and I wanted to try and "re-spark up" the communication lines, but I thought that the potential for that happening was more dead than Vanilla Ice's career. However, a female friend of mine (which is also a friend with the girl I like) said that the girl in question wanted to talk again with me also. So, we started talking again and I know one time, she mentioned that she liked this other guy, but they didn't "hook up". Now, most other guys would probably be fast to say, "F*** this, I'm outie", but I didn't care. I just was enjoying the time I was able to get with her, and we are still talking at least one a week, and I feel that the bond we have, emotionally anyways, is getting closer. Now, there're times where I want to tell her my "true feelings" and roll the dice, but there are also times where I want to "let the chips fall where they may" and be patient. Recently however, I told myself that though I wouldn't mind hooking up, I'm truly loving the bond that we have right now, and even if we "hooked up", it wouldn't neccessarily mean that we would get "closer". Plus, I realized that you could be with the right person, but if you hook up at the worng time, your bond overall will mess up and never be the same. So, I decided to put my personal agenda aside and build the friendship I have with her more, while also being willing to build up and maintain other inter-gender friendships also. Now, I don't want to assume any answers, but:
1)Do you guys think what I decided to do is alright? and,
2)Do you know where I can get tips/advice on building a deeper friendship with the opposite gender (either on this site or on a site affiliated with yours)?
Also, if you don't mind, I want to leave a quote that helped to make my decision, and which I hope might help some that are in "Limbo". It's a NASCAR quote that goes:
"If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
Keep easy, you guys.
P.S. My apologies if there are any loose ends untied and if my stuff is a little long-ish. I know you cats are busy.
Your decision as to interacting with the girl is a very good one.
The way to build a deeper friendship is easy but complex. Communications is very important. Share your feelings, ideas, plans, comfort. Trust is another important thing. Once again, sharing feelings is a must for trust to be built. Share secrets and be honest too. Caring means you should be there for her no matter what, and that you show affection.
Here is a webpage that is directed at loving couples but applies also to your situation: http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/LoveSCat/161
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com