He's On the Rebound
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Hi- I'm a 20 year old girl who is in love for the first time. I starting seeing him about four months ago and we still aren't "a couple." He just got out of a three year relationship (8 months ago) where he got hurt and he says he doesn't want to get hurt again. Everything feels so right when i'm with him but he keeps pushing me away. We've talked about us before and I'm just afraid that I'm going mess everything up if I keep asking if we are together. I know that love shouldn't hurt. I'm just really confused. My heart tells me I should wait and my mind tells me I should move on. Help?
This is why the rebound is so tough. It can really screw up how someone looks at the world and other relationships. At 8 months out of the relationship at least his rebound period should be over soon, but you can see why it's so highly recommended that people don't date during rebound. It can really harm what otherwise would be a perfect relationship.
The best thing you can do is be there for him in a supportive way. Four months is a mere drop in the bucket compared to how long relationships last. It is just at the point that most people *know* they can love someone else because they have now been with them for enough time to really get to know them. Summer is coming up, with all its fun-and-free connotations.
So spend the next few months enjoying the summer. Do fun things with him, go to the beach, go camping, whatever you enjoy. Just enjoy the summer and think of him as your summer lover.
When fall comes around, with all of the holidays approaching, this is usually when relationships get more solid, because you're doing things with family and friends and having 'family dinners' and such. So at that point he should hopefully have settled down and accepted you as a person separate from his past. That is the point where you can start expecting him to look at you for what you are without the shadow of his past. But I'd give him the summer to get through that, and have fun with him :)
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com