It's like going cold turkey on love.

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I have dated this girl for 2 1/2 years. There is an age difference of about 4 years. I met her when she was a freshman in college and have dated up until about less than a month ago. Probably starting at about the second year, we battled with the whole space issue. Not the I want to date other guys space, or the smothering space, the I should be doing things on my own space. Several times I have survived these bouts. Until recently, Now due to her age difference, I have never made mention of the future...We are both in school, Im a grad student she is undergrad. Recently she has decided after a small meaningless fight that she was in this space dilemma again. I thought here we go again. Now we are very different people in the way we deal with things, she is very methodical and unemotional, and I am very expressive, we balanced each other out good. Now to bring you up to speed. Now she wants space she has described it as doing things on her own, making her own decisions, and she said that she relied so much on me to do this but her idea of space is basically pretending like we dont exist anymore. She will text me and email me and tell me she loves me and she thinks she has made a bad mistake and that she is heavily fighting to keep her space going and to not break down like in the past, as she feels it will just come back down the road. I am having a hard time pretending like I dont want to contact her. I think my recent attempts might have driven her away as I dont want contact with me to become a chore. But she is still saying things like I loved our 2 years together and hope to spend many more. I know ...I know it seems so easy, give her space and she will come back. But its just hard, I was always so confident in our love when we where together now that we are apart, my esteem has hit all time low. How do I proceed. Does not talking for weeks on end going to do better than attempting to call? I just think it is so crazy. its like going cold turkey on love.
thanks Advice
You shouldn't be going cold turkey.

Ask her if you can call once a week for 15 minutes. Use the time to tell her you miss her and care for her, to ask her how she's doing. Be cheerful and don't talk about your relationship.

It is a good bet that she will be back again. My experience is that around the age of 21 many young women have a strong urge to express themselves on their own and a break is what they want.

So ride this out and hope for the best! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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